What Are You Seeking?

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There I was, in my Saturday morning Bible Study, curled up next to my friend Jenny, drinking my tea because I never quite feel like I’ve had enough sleep. My friend Annie, who has a hilarious laugh, was leading this Study, pulling out of the Gospel of John. All seemed pretty much right with the world.

“Welcome, ladies, thanks for coming this morning! We’re going to start by reflecting on the past week. Ask yourself the question: what am I seeking?”

I opened to a fresh page of my PJ and pondered oh so piously. The biggest thing I combat hour to hour and day to day is anxiety about how busy my life is, so I thought about that. What am I always seeking, in my prayers, in my endeavors? I wrote down “joy, peace, contentment.”

Ahhhh, contentment. Good answer, right? That’s what I thought.

There I was, Saturday morning Bible study, about to be CONVICTED.

Because I abruptly realized the right answer was God!

Sure, the Lord grants us these virtues, and they are important, but the scary truth was that I had named these things as the objects of my desire, without a single thought to my Savior, my lover, my Lord and my everything. Scary, scary truth!

I know that I need God. That’s a fact I can’t deny, exemplified over and over in my life. I go to Him for everything, rely on Him as much as I can… but do I love Him?

I see Him as a Healer, as a Provider, as someone who takes care of me and gives me what I ask for, what I think I need. That’s easy enough, that’s obvious…but do I see Him as a lover?

What are you seeking, Grace?

The fruit of the relationship with God…without the love.

Scary, scary truth.

Some people are problem-solvers, some are problem-preventers. I am a problem-ignorer-until-it’s-too-big-to-handle. And I was cheerfully ignoring the fact that my personal prayer time was all focused on myself and what I wanted from the Lord. I was cheerfully ignoring the fact that I felt the ache of unfulfilled love. I was cheerfully ignoring the fact that something felt so off - that I was so unbalanced from not resting in his presence of pure acceptance.

If the signs are there, don’t cheerfully ignore them. Ask yourself right now:

What am I seeking?

When you roll out of bed and start your day, what is your goal? To straighten your hair perfectly? To finish your homework before school? Even to say morning prayer- but just to check it off the list?

Are you seeking to be beautiful, successful, intelligent, a good Christian? Like my list of what I was seeking, none of them are wrong. But perhaps, they are not in their proper place.

The Lord reminded me on Saturday that our desires should be focused on His love. That what we should be seeking is to be loved by Him, and then to be love for Him. You won’t see that on any conversation hearts in the Valentine’s Day display at Kroger.

Your lover, your sweetheart, your hero, your King, wants you, is aching for you, is missing you, is hanging on your every breath. His passion is so intense that we cannot respond lukewarmly. He eternally pursues us, constantly seeks us – will we seek Him back?