By Pete Burak
Recently Pete spoke at BeLoved about how to have good boundaries with guys. In addition to lots of good practical wisdom, he focused on the importance of confidently understanding who we are as daughters of God, worthy of love and respect. Here’s how he’s teaching his own young daughters to live in this truth.
From even an early age, we all have internal ‘voices’ that attempt to dictate how we should feel, think, and act. I’m not suggesting we are all crazy; rather our minds are formed by external and internal influences, which affect how we perceive ourselves, and the world around us. For example, how would it impact you if every time you picked up a ball your father said, “Sports are fun, but your mother and I weren’t very good, so don’t expect too much success”? For most people, this would result in an internal narrative that would inhibit a passionate pursuit of an athletic career, because it’s established that you have no chance of success.
This superficial example illustrates how our internal monologue is often directly tied to our acceptance or rejection of the words and actions of those around us. I call these phrases of personal beliefs, ‘scripts.’ Our scripts represent the internal narratives that play in our heads when we’re faced with the various circumstances of life. They can be positive or negative. They can be empowering or debilitating. Ultimately they can be rooted in the truth or in lies.
Cait and I are attempting to raise our kids with scripts that help them accept and believe the truth about who they are, what they’re made for, and how they should act. As they lay in bed at the end of night prayers we energetically recite the “Team Burak Core Beliefs.” It goes like this:
I can do anything I put my mind to.
Jesus is always with me.
I can, I will, I must be a saint.
Jesus loves me and this I know.
I am kind and obedient.
I say yes and ok just like Mary says.
Every day and in every way, I am getting better and better.
I work hard and love learning.
I do things with courage and enthusiasm.
Since this video we’ve also added, “I am loved, I am enough, and I am a daughter of the King.” These beliefs act as a line of defense against the lies of the world they will encounter. Hopefully, when a negative script like: “I’m ugly and unlikeable” begins to emerge, they can stand in the truth and repeat to themselves, “I am loved and I am enough.”
Earlier this fall, Gracie, our 4 year old, would cry and generally freak out every time we tried to drop her off at Atrium, a two-hour catechesis program. After talking with her, we realized she got upset because she didn’t know what to do or how to express her confusion to her teacher. So we taught her two new scripts. “This is my Atrium,” and “Mrs. Hoving, I don’t know what to do!” I couldn’t believe how empowered she became by two simple phrases. Now every week on the way to Atrium, we have a quick pep talk where we remember our scripts, and by the time we’re there, Gracie is ready to go!
Ultimately we need our minds and hearts formed by a relationship with Jesus, empowered by the Holy Spirit, in the heart of the Church. One tool is using true and empowering Scripts to protect our minds and inform our actions.
Take some time to pray and ask the Lord to reveal to you more clearly who you are and how HE sees you. Then come up with your own scripts, and speak them aloud with the same unabashed confidence as the Burak girls!
What are your scripts? Comment below!
Image via Melanie Reyes Photography